Same for the drugs and drinking as they are underage and you could be in big trouble for allowing it in your house. I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. Please let me know where you got your design. He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. Im struggling and I can't sleep well at night. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the things that have transpired through those years.first off, my son never officially introduced me to this woman. If you feel you need to know intimate details about her, ask your son in private. I asked him 3 times and said no! "She might have been born poor but that made her humble unlike the other women I've met who are materialistic and vain. First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. !Grow up. Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. I returned the last month rent she paid (that is how bad I wanted her out). That is all. My sons girlfriend is always calling him names and is always angry. He's going to let her ruin his life. 2. He also loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, 1 blog post at a time! Needs to argue constantly. If its out of control, then you might want to keep them grounded for a while. Say, "We want to like her. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. Her baby was born Dec 2012. Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 03, 2015: All great advice, Lori. So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry. Chances are he's going to keep being abusive to his girlfriends until he chooses to change. Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. Offer him counselingeven couples counseling before they walk down the aisle. You can't help solve a problem until you know what it is. They will become co-dependent. She's 17. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. We'd love to add it to our calendar. I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. Its easy for you to recognize when another person is taking advantage of your loved one. Even if these feelings come from good intentions, mothers would be well advised to use care in their interactions with their childrens dates since it's possible for the relationship to become long-term. Your email address will not be published. :). does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. 248 likes, 36 comments - Natalie B. justice advocate (@natalie.kristeen) on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the grief or guilt as an adoptive parent. Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed.. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. Not a very friendly person at all..she actually has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. I know from experience! I could immediately tell from the type of pictures she had on her social media accounts and the tings that she would say that she was not someone I wanted for my son. Good luck. VPEtalent is seeking concerned and dynamic parents who think their teen or 20something is dating the wrong person for a new docu-reality show for MTV's international channels. I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! Seriously. We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study. I will be praying for you! Up until then, my son and I could talk about any and everything and we would talk for hours. After one year of playing on line with her and several guy friends, they decided to hook up. Your reasons are sound and valid from a parent's perspective, but in all honesty, you have to remember that he has a life of his own. If the girl is "broken" in some way, he can be her hero or savior. So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled. My greatest concern is for my grandson. The key to this situation progressing is your girlfriend. Here, I highlight the most common problems faced by teenagers today. So things are a bit strained to say the least. You have no control over what they do elsewhere, but you are responsible for what you allow in your home, so don't be bullied by his defiance of you. Well, he turned 18 in July of that year, and then informed us that he was giving up his full-ride scholarship to the out of state college to stay closer to this girl (she is a year younger). document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. Kids sometimes might be in such a relationship out of fear of abandonment. Say nothing critical or they will resent you. He will defend her to others because he is the only one who "truly understands" that there is a sweet girl underneath the tough exterior. They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. Your son must be a person who sees the good in all people and who tries to fix them. Hi Doc, my Son is 18 and his girlfriend is the same age. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on October 07, 2014: This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates. Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. She has told my son that she wants nothing to do with me and I am fine with this. She sleeps with multiple men at a time and has advertised her "services" on Backpage and Erotic Monkey. My son was with a girl we did not approve of and he even planned on marrying her. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking. Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. Not putting her down at all, but expressing that she just wasn't going to be the one to make him happy. Normally, I don't feel that I would be so hard on a girl but this woman has a lot of gall!! The "boundaries" you put in place made good sense in terms of wanting them to focus on their exams, for the benefit of both of them, and as a very temporary move. I understand your concerns. While I still stand behind my suggestions in the article, there are times when you have to make a choice between risking a relationship with your son or having to standby helplessly to watch him suffer. Young lovers are blind to serious red flags in their relationships which is why mothers become so alarmed when they see what they perceive to be poor choices, but its important to refrain from being petty. She won't bath him or put him in clean clothing and seems to be extremely harsh with him. Any advice for us.his siblings miss him terribly, and so do his father and I! Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. The first relationship she tore apart was he and his 1st girlfriend. Redirecting to /talk/behaviour_development/a1209810-Sons-girlfriend-doesnt-say-hello-to-me-or-my-wife-when-she-comes-to-our-home. She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren. I have always supported at home and even paid for my mothers studies when she was studying, I give her money monthly just for support on groceries while i understand that this is optional as she is working after she got a qualification for her studies. Thanks for stopping by! It is natural for a mother to feel territorial. When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore." My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. I need advice very badly because I feel like Im loosing it. Why? What would you suggest at this point? Look whos talking.. Of course your son would protect his girl! "Mom, this girl makes me happy." Taking Action In Your Sons Unhealthy Relationship. The first two weeks of uni he is already not making lectures & wants to defer; he is already aware he is failing and needs to quit. Love your son without forcing ultimatums. Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. She told me her daughter is a chronic liar and makes things up. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. But if they do it after getting in a relationship, you should consider some stringent friendly actions that will limit their interactions with their new partner. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I do not want this to spoil his siblings Christmas and upset his elderly Grandparents. I tried talking to him about it to woo him back to her. After Christmas last year he suddenly informed us that he found an apartment closer to her. Explain to him how his girlfriend's behaviour is undesirable. Be sure to tell them you love them. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. He wants to be her champion. Why else would a decent young man tolerate a girl who mistreats or disrespects his parents whom he loves? He does do things with us occasionally. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 08, 2017: Susan, this sounds like less of a problem about the girlfriend and more with your adult son. HE STAYS OUT MOSTLY EVERY NIGHT WITH HER.WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME,BUT HE WOULD RATHER STAY WITH HER IN A HOUSE WHERE TWELVE OTHER PEOPLE LIVE.I HAVE CONSTANTLY TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS BEHAVIOR BUT HE REFUSES TO LISTEN.HE HAS LOST HIS JOB AND HAS NOT REALLY TRIED TO FIND ANOTHER.I LOVE MY SON AND I AM AFRAID THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN IF HE CONTINUES ON THIS PATH. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. THANKS ELIA. Who is this unfamiliar creature that has attracted our sons attention? Her views on sensitive or controversial topics such as religion or politics. I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. But it sounds as though you imposed them without discussion, when you might have suggested the temporary rule as a recommendation, a suggestion, and asked them if they had alternative ideas for how to improve their chances of passing the exams. She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas camethen she wanted to go to the big family Christmas gathering. Do not allow these children to move in because of the support factor and that her family has already made the statement that he would abuse the kids. To make matters worse, the car she arrived in was dirty and she made no effort to clean their hotel room up. Our son was upset and was leaving her to return to his flat, he was waiting to be allowed back to collect his things. Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. She hasn't wanted to get to know our family from the beginning. I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother. They are OPPORTUNISTS. For now, don't tell your fianc about all this. Explain to him how his girlfriends behaviour is undesirable. This is a difficult and heartbreaking challenge. He did end up getting an apartment a few weeks later (with our help), and is currently enrolled in a local college. She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level. 3 Steps To Getting Teens On Board With Your Significant Other: 1. Tell him to reflect on his relationship to see if it has had positive effects on him as far as his health habits and educational/future opportunities. She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head. I know you have concerns about your son getting into a serious relationship so young, but isn't your top priority your son's happiness? It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her. Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. Do you have a recipe we could all cook together? Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. Would he want his son to cut him out of his life over a girl? It's that she's so bloody rude! The highs, the lows. Any advice and insight on these situations of life. If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? Where is your hometown? Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. These people love him because he gives them everything they want. The one who trusted you long ago and still will today. I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing. The woman that my son has fallen for is extremely, apologetically disrespectful as well. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. Well, he told her and the woman blasted my sweet friend (and me) on social media so that the world could see!! The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! She might behave in ways that he wishes he could or at least in ways that seem very different from his perhaps sheltered life. I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. is it normal for mothers to get jealous and mistreat the girlfriend, even though I've never disrespected their rules and wants for their son? When we confronted my son with the info, he first pretended that he didn't know but through conversation we realized that he knew all along. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. he is only 19 and she is still in school a senior 17 years old. He began to see our points, and he broke up with this girl. He may make mistakes. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. When a son introduces a new female into his world, mothers instinctually take caution, and fears and questions arise. But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. I called sweetly to the kitten who wriggled out of the monkey's arms and ran back to me. I explained to her the reason. We painted a picture of what family life with her as a wife and mother of his children would be like. The right girl for him will love his family, too, because his family is a big part of him and who he is. They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama. We need to question why this girl attracts him. My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. My girlfriend is a very nice person and she likes my family and my children love her a lot, even though they are not hers but my mom has shown signs and comments of having a problem with the fact that I support her at times, even financially. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. I'm sorry that I haven't checked in for a long time. Cus he loves her duhhh!! Hi Lori. please help.I have a difficulty with my mother currently. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on November 04, 2015: Good for you, Bill. We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her. I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! Once your son is older, you can only nurture him gently with love and support.
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