One-Liners. Its for that very same reason that cleaning jokes and puns are so popular. If your kids resist chores, make it fun! The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now. Not all of it. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. 30. What's the name of the first president of the laundromat? There was a key change in it. So we stopped playing chess. Matt Kirshen, Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesnt try it on. Billy Connolly, I like the Ten Commandments, but theres a problem with the ninth one. If you dont pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? He came out spotless. So, let's take some time and dive into some great puns. He is a well known realtor. 14. I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. If not, when I come home, I can't find anything. 21. 90. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. I guess I turned the tide. A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. 97 Funny Wine Jokes Only Wine Lovers Will Understand! They were just not ready to Lego of them. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. I told them, "Just you wait!". 3. 72. It only has three letters. I rang up British Telecom and said: I want to report a nuisance caller. He said: Not you again. Tim Vine, Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld, I was in my car driving back from work. I would tell you a joke about my bed, but it hasn't been made up yet. 15+ Cheeky and Corny Love Jokes you can laugh with him and her! We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. The guy completely ruined my kitchen. The man who invented Velcro has died. Theyre on the way out! Tim Vine, I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. 50. Sometimes they wear badges that say press, but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised. Milton Jones, Toughest job I ever had? Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Its your vacuum cleaner that should give you pause. When my sister came back and saw the furniture in her room had been re-arranged, she hit the roof! It was a mirror-cle. But when he came back from work, the tables had turned. 21. When I was in college, I couldn't pay my bills. Here are a few examples of his wit and wisdom: Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. May. Our list includes a selection from the Aldi Mamia Best Dad Joke contest. Well see about that. It was an udder failure. If your daughter gets untidy from playing in the mud outside, you should just washer and dryer. Why do basketball players have messy rooms? When the bulb checked its weight on the weighing scale, he said to himself "Woah! He's going to get in loads of trouble. 28. What do you call an Italian window cleaner? Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Why not! A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. We rushed them to a washpital immediately. You look flushed! 38. My room is not dirty. Why did the fallen angel end up as a domestic help? It'd be a clothes call. 6) A player asked his golf coach: "What is going wrong with my game?". From witty one-liners that require some humor to good one-liners to share with kids, these hilarious jokes will make any conversation more lively. 47. 31. They were a-mason. I was holding a bottle of detergent while doing my laundry. So far Ive finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. First rule of house cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Nothing gets a good laugh better than a well-placed one-linerand we could all use a little laughter during trying times. To do his duty. Cecil Baxter. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Lindt chocolate. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes. He is known to be a fridge magnate. What are the only rooms without any doors or windows? 4. We got a new couch from the furniture store yesterday. An owl is essentially a one-piece unit. Ross Noble, If a role requires a haircut, I say I wont do it. If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? I made a few speaker boxes out of my used laundry detergent bottles. It's Washington DC. When the manager comes, she asks the man, Is there something wrong, sir? And the man replies, Oh, somethings wrong everything you sell sucks.. Laundry day is a dreadful day that everyone has to go through at least once a week. They're also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. and MoonPig (opens in new tab) 's survey for the best Great British dad jokes . My friend once found a $50 bill in his pants pocket after laundry. 11. ", 51. The guy who invented the other three? Two fish are in a tank. It was nothing but uplifting. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. I grew up on Angel Delight! Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. Have you heard the name of the next book of the Divergent trilogy? By load balancing. 90. 17. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. Nuclear detergents. I choose round. Sarah Millican, When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. 77. Funny maid jokes and puns to share that will make people laugh. 5) "Nowadays, comedians tell the news and the media tells the jokes.". Washing powders are supposed to be concentrated. 22. 56. I was working, and my clothes were in my dryer. 4. The world champion tongue twister got arrested. The Spin Cycle. Because her work was de-pressing. 20. Instead of using fear of prison to discourage criminals, we should make them do laundry using tide pods. Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. 90. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. We always have some spare chairs in our house. These religious jokes are (sacra)ment to make you grin for what might seem like an eternity, and bring some laughter (and possible good-natured head shaking) to your day. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia. Dirty cleaning jokes that you can also share with kids. The bartender says, Hey! 41. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. The glass complimented the coffee mug and said, "You look absolutely mug-nificient". People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. 55. Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. Or theres this one: Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. That one is actually a quote from Phyllis Diller from her 1966 book Phyllis Dillers Housekeeping Hints and it still rings true, even today. Here are some boss jokes one liners that will make you laugh out loud! 48. George Carlin Quotes 1. Mark Twain, that prolific witty author who brought to us the delightful tale of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, was a quick witted man who seldom kept his opinion to himself! The bungalow is known to have been haunted by ghosts in the past. More giggles and laughter with this short clean jokes for adults. creative tips and more. Its like a vacuum cleaner.. See? He was camping in a nearby field and popped over to complain about the noise. Rob Brydon, So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, Thats a turtle disaster. Peter Kay, I love Snapchat. Why did the astronaut bring his maid to the ISS (International Space Station)? I got a new pair of gloves today, but theyre both lefts, which on the one hand is great, but on the other, its just not right. I'm really not into spring cleaning. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. ' Jerry Seinfeld, I was not a particularly small child. "Well, we'll just freeze-dry them", I told her. 29. If you liked our suggestions for the best house puns, jokes, and one liners, then why not take a look at these bone puns, or for something other than puns, take a look at our list of the skeleton jokes for kids. I spilled the beans. 30. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora.'. It was an emotional wedding. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, theyll want to use it. They sound super clean. 40. I became worried that he might get caught for money laundering. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Mr. Realtor has become a rich man by only selling refrigerators. I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. 11. Not only is it terrible, its also terrible. 36. We promise that you will like these puns as much as you like clean laundry. We dont want your type in here!. Mushrooms! Sofa-r, so good. There are also cleaners puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. My boss gets really annoyed when I call him "Dick". What do you call a president that has tons of laundry to do? Only a mon-key will be able to open the lock to my house. Why not try out these one-liners on your friends and family next time you are at home? I dont suffer from insanityI enjoy every minute of it. He had to gnocchi instead. She said, "Hey, that's a peanut in the laundry." 22. I just have everything on display. My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness. My house was clean yesterday. 8. 3.. We had to get our vacuum cleaner exchanged. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. When I got locked out of the house, I decided to break the window and get in. Two wifi engineers got married. Why? Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. The list below also includes some great house cleaning puns and jokes. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. When I am asked what my favourite genre of music is, I always say it is House. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." "Life's like a bird. Washington. All rights reserved. 13. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? Prepare the sealant according to the package directions and test it on a small inconspicuous area. Hes not dead, just very condescending. Jack Whitehall, Im so ugly, my father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield, I said to the gym instructor: Can you teach me to do the splits? He said: How flexible are you? I said: I cant make Tuesdays. Tim Vine, I like the Pope. My brother was doing laundry and forgot to separate my mother's white dress from his red shirt. That is wrong on so many levels. The bartender said, Sorry, we dont serve spirits here.. POST. I can write jokes I just choose not to. Stewart Lee, Conjunctivitis.com theres a site for sore eyes. Tim Vine, Exit signs? Funny one-liners 1. All of these jokes for kids and adults are so bad, they're good. Laundry puns arent as bad as everyone thinks they are. Sistermatic. 3. 32. You know the only thing I hate more than having a dirty house? 47. Always borrow money from a pessimist. To make sure they see it, Ive put it inside a birthday card. Gary Delaney, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes25 of Rik Mayalls greatest quotes25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes50 of the funniest Father Ted quotesRed Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-linersDerry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes50 of the best lines from Peep Show20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darlingThe 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Polly Hedron Exact, Read More 14 Funny Math Names PunsContinue. Tooth pics! When I told him that, he just replied, "laundry isn't my strong suit when I have to wash my bathing suit.". 7. But is she grateful? 2. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Well, it should make for good clean shots. Today, my ten-year-old sister referred to the pile of dirty laundry my mother was washing as 'Mount Wash More'. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Keep reading for more of the funniest jokes of all time. It'd be a roll tide. Ruby Lou Barnhill, I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, This changes everything.. I don't find medical puns funny anymore since I began suffering from an irony deficiency. He says, Uno, dos and poof! 92. Of course, we have more for you. Laundry puns are not as bad as everyone thinks they are. To the person who stole my depression medication: I hope you're happy now. Because its door wasn't clothesed. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. What happened to the leopard that fell in the washing machine? I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much. 35. In the spirit of commiserating over the woes of keeping house, weve swept up a collection of cleaning jokes, puns, and one-liners for your reading pleasure. Pick the right one for you and go ahead throw some jokes to your friends. 39. 32. Try telling one of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are guaranteed to get some giggles. Connection! 27. There was a lot on the line. I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel. I didnt think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. Cleaning the house fascinates everyone in my family. 55. She hit the ceiling! Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . 54. After browsing for a while, he asks to speak to the manager. My girlfriend got mad at me because I wanted to role play. 62. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. My mum forced me to discard my old toys, but I was not ready to Lego of them. 35. He'd become a wash and werewolf. Did you hear about that brand-new broom that just came out? I love cleaning up messes I didnt make. They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out. My grandmother left behind her favourite rocking chair. Sorry if thats a sweeping generalization. The reason those quotes are shared so much is that they are so freaking relatable! Im going to lay down until the feeling passes. Thanks a lot. . Theyll never expect it back. What did the first sock say to the second sock in the dryer? Let's see some cleaning jokes by famous people. Why are goalkeepers good at doing laundry? Like a museum. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy!
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